Hash Trash: Trail #005
Well, somehow VTH3 survived into the new year despite the possible return of the end of the world. Trail was in Hineyburg; hares were Flexible Video Endoscope and 69 Sided Dice.
In attendance were:
How I Met Your Mother
Just Mira
Just Nancy (left early)
Not Just The Tip
Minor Incident
Virgin Nurse RainBlow
Penis Colada
Salty CumPiss
Virgin Serial Lubist
Length as the cumpiss wanders: 4.69 miles
So yeah, we gathered in some back parking lot in Hineyburg where we drank beer that we were told had been sitting in the non-temperature-controlled garage of Chez 69 Endoscopes and had hopefully not gone bad. In the absence of Rage Rocket Loves My Socket, the Dunkin Pumpkin went untouched for another week. Because this entire hash is actually just a cure for Flexi's RIH3 nostalgia, it was done as a dead lay.
Those who had paid a bit extra came with uncovered crania, as this day marked the arrival of the first VTH3 hab: "I Love Shiggy" pom-pom hats! (There are more if you missed out.)
The pack got off to a good start by completely missing the first check, and we didn't get any less stupid from there on. We were promised barbed wire, electrified fences, and cows; we got two out of three. (Ain't bad.) The hares took us first to a school playground to endanger the hash's
precious cock-sixes by providing ample opportunity to crash on one's bum, and several people gave it their best. Thankfully, all failed.
We climbed our way up to the top of a hill overlooking Hineyburg where the glorious VTH3 warm-shot-check tradition was continued and an impromptu lesson on the benefits of huffing whipped-cream cans was given. Trail continued through and around the promised barbed wire and electrified fences as we searched in vain for the promised cows. FRBs were deservedly YBFed and generally fucked around while the wiser walkers left them far in the lurch.
The "Naughty Check" lives again, now with even more consent!
A quick T/E split (crampons recommended) led us to the beckoning door of Frost Beer Works where cold beer was tempered by a warm room, and several hashers proved themselves too drunk to play pool. Mother made up for his inability to knock balls in holes with amazing expertise in knocking beers on the ground with a pool cue.
The last leg took us quickly on-in, with an opportunity to sing "End of the Month" within earshot of a kids' hockey game.
Our usual RA was out of commission due to being a hare, so How I Met Your Mother was nominated as surrogate RA by acclamation. Trail comments:
"Best trail of 2022!" (RainBlow)
"Too Salty" (Tip)
"uh um uh wait I forgot uhhh... shitty" (Salty)
"I came; I saw; I got a hat!" (P.C., to cheers)
"I really enjoyed the slippery bits, and the barbed wire added flavor" (Just Mira ("Shocking!"))
"I like how I'm the RA" (Mother ("So keep doing it!"))
(There were other comments, but I'm the meanest and didn't catch them.)
Hare Song: "S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L" (mis-sung by the RA, who was somehow trying to do this from a piece of paper).
"Comments on trail" (again), which is apparently Mother-ese for "accusations":
Many Hash-Crashes!
Salty in a parking lot (P.C.)
Just Mira, twice (RainBlow)
RainBlow herself, on the playground (Salty)
Mother, allegedly, also on the playground (69)
Crashers knelt in the circle for a down-down to the tune of "S&M Man", irritating Flexi the non-RA, who'd given up control so should stop his complaining rather than ousting the real RA like he did.
Mother for wasting beer on the ground (Salty)
Flexi for being "RA Dick-Hole" (Mother), to the note of "Really Fucking Dumb"
"Dumb Attire" --Tip:
RainBlow's non-anatomically-correct muscle leggings
Salty's shorts in 12-degree weather (what's wrong with that?)
Just Mira's trail-treasure hat
Hashit is Just Mira for her multiple crashes, and she's "given" the very hat she found in lieu of Two-Eyed Willie, who's been MIA since #003. She "entertains" us by singing Salty "Hashy Birthday" (even though it's not their birthday), earning them the traditional spank tunnel.
Announcements:
Winter Cuntival is happening, but we all missed the rego deadline (P.C.; why even tell us that?!)
#006 is Salty and RainBlow, a repeat of their last trail together but worse.
The definition of "specimen" is given by Tip (an Italian astronaut).
RainBlow's aiming for two trails in a row and will also do #007, taking Just Mira's harey cherry. (This is a lie.)
On-After at Papa Nick's! (This is also a lie.)
All in all, no one died, people came back, and there was booze, so it could have been worse.
On-another-year-of-VTH3-on!
-- Salty CumPiss
